Emotionally dependent on God

Recently, during some reading, I was really struck by this sentence in the section dealing with James’ teaching on faith shown through works…

“Those who have been justified by faith alone have been freed from the need to secure their own future (Gal 5 13-15) and are able to give themselves to the loving service of others which was the pattern of Him in whom they have set their hope”

This set me thinking about how being justified & saved (a follower of Jesus) and knowing the love of God I am also becoming emotionally freed – from the need for others to love me before I can love & serve them. If I look back I can see that more & more I find myself not only able to, but wanting to, serve, encourage or bless someone; e.g. by passing on nice things said about them by somebody else.

But I can still find myself so weak in this area. Sometimes I get discouraged and wonder if I have actually changed at all; Satan is quick to step in & remind us of our faults & weaknesses. He sneaks in to stir up anger at someone who has hurt or slighted me … tries to disturb the ongoing process of my heart being softened and re-awaken pride and anger.
It’s so easy to be discouraged by resurfacing of the dross & forget that it’s all a battle. (study Eph 6)

1 Peter 5 v8 "beware your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for whom he may devour"

Even now I can find myself remembering some long ago comment which, for some reason, stung and lingered; and maybe at the time I forgave – more likely I didn’t because I didn’t always know the importance of forgiving every day. I might need to forgive again (it only takes a minute, and I only need to want to forgive the person, Jesus will then do the rest) but then I need to focus once more on God and His promises and words of life and peace.

Emotional independence comes with dependence on God Joni

In (one of her) book(s) Joni used an example of getting upset when her (new) husband didn’t get excited about something she did – she had to learn that only God will always fulfil all our needs.

Only God will ALWAYS be there for us, no matter how good or loving the friend/partner. He is always interested in every little thing that concerns us; everything.

But this emotional independence – gained through dependence on God – gradually enables us to give love more than we receive it. And for me, slow as it is, it's an absolute miracle; if this can be true for me it can be true for anyone.
The more I think about it, the more I see what an amazing truth this is!

A Good Cry

Crying can be good
The other Saturday during the course of a workshop at my church I prayed for two youngsters and each time I started to speak out the prayer or the few words God gave me, I became really emotional with tears that couldn’t be held back.
But they felt so releasing! And by the end of that session, something had ‘cleared out’ and I felt happier, more relaxed and more ‘myself’ than I had done for a few weeks.

I have lately realised that inner healing, (for me this is mostly through crying) is also a way in which God can draw out our personalities. For me there is a confidence, creativity, and a relaxed joy in life that is still (slowly!) surfacing & which shows me how God made me to be; but which had been previously damaged or buried. As well as this God uses crying to soften my heart & become closer to Him.

In ‘A better kind of grieving’ Bill Hybels writes ’50 years ago industrialists thought they could just bury toxic waste and it would go away. We’ve since learned it doesn’t. It leaks into our water, contaminates our crops, harms animals. Burying grief (sorrow, heartache, anguish, misery, pain, unhappiness, angst, woe) does the same thing. It leaks into our emotional system and wreaks havoc. It distorts our perceptions of life and taints our relationships’.

For the last few years God has been using crying as the main means to carry out healing of old hurts (as well as new ones & sometimes the line between these is blurred) and through this, to heal me from the Chronic Fatigue; so much is the physical connected to the emotional.

I have since found that loads of people already know about the cathartic effects of having a good cry! One friend told me that she once found herself in floods of tears once triggered by a seemingly little thing; but she realised afterwards that it was something else that needed to be cried out & she felt loads lighter afterwards. That is my testimony of the last few years.

Cathartic
My sister was teaching a section in her Media Studies lessons on whether horror films have cathartic properties; can they be a release of tension/fear in much the same way that, in her words ‘having a good cry or laugh can make you feel better’. This was interesting because for me the term cathartic is almost an understatement of how God has released me through inner healing through crying. And many times this has been through a film or a book.

Other words that have the same or similar meaning to cathartic:
liberating
beneficial
healing
energising
invigorating

I would call that 5 reasons to have a good cry!

Not just crying
Obviously there’s more to this than crying, this becomes about inner healing; and God uses other means to bring this about, including: praying ‘in the spirit’ (for me, this usually means tongues) people praying with you, standing strong in promises God gave us in the bible; ‘coming against’ bad or negative thoughts & feelings with biblical truths; or worship times during Sunday services.

It’s not bad to cry!
BUT you still hear people say, those words I hate to hear … ‘don’t cry’

“don’t’ cry pet” said ‘grandma’ to her daughter with MS whose children had just been taken away from her suddenly … ‘don’t cry’ from an impatient or harassed parent, to the child who’s just experienced a shock or disappointment & whose reaction may seem inordinate to the incident…

And yes, maybe it isn’t always appropriate to encourage crying … or for most people to be healed by God in this way. Maybe someone might have a problem with depression; maybe they’re crying & crying and just feeling worse and worse & actually need some more help and/or counselling.

Sometimes it doesn’t make me feel better straightaway, but worse. I can tell there’s more to come for this particular thing that God is dealing with. But God is gentle & his timing is perfect even though it may take a while. And in my experience, if you take it to God (literally crying on His shoulder) He will stop it when it becomes self-pity. God can use your tears to heal and restore; crying with him softens my heart and helps me know more of His Father heart for me.

Take it ALL to him
It’s not just crying; if you need to, if you’re really struggling with something & can feel yourself feeling bitter or angry at someone (or at God) then take that to God too. Direct your heart’s emotion to Him because He can take it; giving it to Him is what he asks.

“Humble yourself before God & in due time he will lift you up. Cast all your anxieties (nervousness, worry, concern, unease, apprehension, disquiet, fretfulness, angst, fear) onto God because he cares for you” 1 Peter 5 v6&7

So go on, have your paddy – like a little child in his father’s arms who beats his arms against his daddy’s chest in an agony of frustration and helpless fury … and then, if dad is a wise and loving father & lets him do this, will eventually cry himself out & fall asleep in his father’s arms.

That little child is you. And that infinitely strong and loving Father is God. “Our God is a great big God & He holds us in His hands” says that favourite children’s song. Do you believe this? Then tell him what’s on your heart. He longs you for you to do this; then he can begin to heal and soften your heart and bring you closer to Him.

Encouragement about hearing from God

After my last post about Hearing from God, I was asked what the words for me were; and I realised I could encourage through a couple of points that were made by the speaker that day (please bear in mind I'm the opposite of an expert on this as I don't have a real prophetic gift & have only had (minimal) words for people a grand total of 4 times!)

God sometimes speaks really specifically & it won’t make sense to anyone else
One of the Words was how God would give me backbone, like a rod in my back. I laughed later because anyone hearing that could think either
a. that’s totally random
or
b. assume I was a coward! (and actually God is dealing with fear) but for me it made complete sense in a totally different context –
Because I associate the healing of CFS with sitting up straight. I’ve always slumped in my posture & my head has felt so heavy etc. and mentally I really struggle. A teacher I worked with once who always sat up really straight, came to represent a health & physical wholeness I realised I've never had.
BUT on the days when I feel really good, days that I believe God gives me as encouragement for what’s to come; I find myself sitting up really straight – in control, motivated, clear minded & purposeful.

In that context, the ‘backbone’ word speaks directly to me as encouragement about healing.

If God speaks to you, he will give you the interpretation (rather than the Word giver)
I haven’t always known this actually, but it confirmed a situation at church once, when God clearly spoke to me through a Word from the front – but then the person giving it continued to elaborate so that it made sense to her but then it stopped making sense to me. I think she felt she needed to add to it; the words she spoke seemed to reinforce that (but I could be wrong, obviously!)

SO…

Don’t panic & add to the word – just speak what you’ve been given
I had only 2 words (i.e. servant heart) so I just plunged into prayer thanking God that ‘such & such’ had a servant heart’ and then God continued to give me words to say about how Jesus came to serve and the church is built by the work of those who serve…– words definitely not from me.
Then the other lady (who has prophetic gifting no doubt) had words that confirmed mine. Yay Lord!

The TIMING…
The speaker pointed out how Joseph totally misinterpreted the timing of his dreams about his brothers. It wasn’t to be for a long time.
On Saturday, I was told (by the lady who knows nothing about me) to stretch out my hand (like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment) and I would be healed.
NOW once I may have got in a stew that there’s something I could be doing to make healing really easy & quick. Now I know that’s not the case. BUT (last point) …

… Talk to God about it & trust Him
One thing is for sure, I need to wait on God & trust Him to make it clear if there’s anything I need to do.

If God wants us to know something important; He won’t make it hard. But we might need to come to Him to find out more.

A good illustration can be found on the this site ....
http://www.adrianplass.com/articles/letter_to_george.htm

Hearing from God

I attended a prophecy workshop on Saturday, led by an excellent speaker/teacher whose main gifting is not in prophecy but who has received words from God before.
However, this suited me as it meant that the day was very biblically based teaching on prophecy in the church; I was amazed at how many times prophecy or prophets are mentioned in the New Testament.

Now I don’t particularly seek this gift; in fact I’ve been guilty in the past of actually articulating this following thought to God ‘Lord, please don’t give me a word/interpretation of tongues, because I’m too afraid to give it’. How bad is that!
But I have recently seen in others – and over the years in myself – how valuable it can be when God gives you a word of knowledge through someone, especially when that someone doesn’t know you; that has confirmed or spoken to a particular need or area.
I have clung especially to the few simple ones that have spoken directly to a very real worry that I was having.

These aren’t always through people of course; God speaks to us in other ways; I particularly have seen God ‘train’ me almost, in learning to recognise & hear his guiding voice ‘saying yes or no … turn left or turn right (bible verse??) ‘… and recently he has given me some bible verses (you know, where they just jump out at you) … a line from a song, which is not even one that I like (tune-wise obviously!); and even a verse into my mind, that I didn’t know, but when looked it up was word for word from the bible.

In fact, just yesterday, God spoke to me just through the Lead Elder of my church; in the morning service I was feeling very distracted by old thoughts and feeling unable to ‘move on’ in an area that God has being dealing with; when he started to speak and proceeded to use 2 phrases that exactly echoed ones that I’d been ‘given’ a few months ago. THEN the song (with the tune I don’t like) which I had woken up thinking about again that morning was sung in the worship. Then just as I started to argue with God again … the Elder continued to apparently address my thoughts with every word he was saying.
OK God!!

During the course of the ‘prophecy’ morning I also learned something else about another gifting (mercy) which totally isn’t one I have, but which I had got confused about due to it’s being mixed up with Serving, which is one I have. (How can I tell? Because I enjoy serving! As the speaker said; if you really find it hard to listen to people who are in difficulties talking about their troubles, then it’s likely you don’t have the gift of mercy. Phew!)

So we were in small groups and asking God for words for the person being prayed for (and I had a fair few for me, from a stranger, which made sense and encouraged; thank you Lord!) but I found that after a few minutes waiting I only had 2 words for each person. Literally TWO words! But when I started to speak them out, in a prayer, more words came that I knew were from God & not me.

What a blessing to be able to speak out God’s words like that. Again I have seen how my fearful or selfish attitude can prevent me from bringing God’s blessings to others.

Yes we all have 1 or 2 specific gifts and the NT; Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 especially make it clear that all are needed to work together. Mine are serving and encouraging; and not prophecy or speaking/teaching. But it’s OK to ask God for more (‘eagerly desire the greater gifts…’) and every time we are open to being used by God though one of his spiritual gifts, we are serving the church & glorifying God. And surely that’s the point.

For a very excellent blog on prophecy in the NT read …http://www.anthilder.co.uk/2007/09/prophecy-is-it-for-today.html

Encouraged and Challenged

Prayer help

Well this week I have been both encouraged and challenged, by the very excellent Pete Grieg who kept all the (mostly young) people at Eastbourne Kings’ ‘Survivor’ event much amused and entertained during his helpful teaching slots at the Survivor event held at Eastbourne Kings last Saturday.

So I was:
1. encouraged… when he spoke very honestly about how his ‘days of prayer’ which may include 5 hours out .. walking the dog, having a drink at a pub … will maybe include only 1.5 hours of solid prayer; and how if we're struggling, the fact we’re consciously trying to talk to God is good … also that God draws his attention to creation to just ‘be’ with God sometimes & not always sharing our troubles or praying about 'stuff'.

2. challenged … that God sometimes carries out his will only through our prayers; & pointed to Luke 11 as a chapter that makes it clear we need to ask God in order to get. (Also, in Lord's prayer, why ask disciples to pray ‘your will be done’ if this is not needed. But this is not in all versions)

Jesus was always more powerful after had spent time with God (walked on water) the heavens opened (Luke 3 21) New & Old Testament are littered with people being urged to pray & talk to God and prayers being answered.
Pete also quoted from Watchman Nee about how God can be likened to a powerful train, but we still need to lay the tracks.

This weekend I realised anew how God uses our prayers … surely this is an honour & a privilege & not to be taken lightly or passed up! An earlier speaker had demonstrated the magnificence and incomprehensive hugeness of those stars that 'God flung into the sky'. That is the God who chooses to use our prayers. So why do I let myself be distracted from doing it?

Pete very clearly pointed out that answered prayer is not always the case – and his experience shows that it sometimes is and sometimes isn’t – his new book (God on Mute) clearly shows how sometimes in his life God has answered ‘yes’ to the same prayers that at other times seem to be ignored.

I also liked how he pointed to & spoke from the scriptural teaching even though his experience shows that it’s not always ‘cut & dried’ or obvious … but he doesn't tie himself into knots about the seeming incompatibility/paradox of it all …
A favourite quote of mine:

Peter Lewis says

“Why Pray? Because God commands it; because God is glorified in it; because people need our prayers; because we change as we pray & things change as we pray; because of the importance of prayer in the life of Christ “

Prayers being answered is always potentially contentious issue… but the biblical instruction to pray (& persevere in prayer …) are clear. We need to go with the evidence (from scripture first) that God has given us … and just trust him for the rest.

To keep pressing forward in prayer through faith can sometimes be the ultimate challenge.


An Externaliser or Internaliser…?
I also felt inspired to begin a pray diary or ‘journal’ because I hadn’t realised until listening to his talk on prayer, that I am an ‘externaliser’ … and that’s (partly) why it’s so hard to pray in a room on my own and my mind wanders so badly when praying in my head … but much easier when walking somewhere or talking out loud.

How can I possibly have not realised this about myself? How can I have reached this age & not known this fundamental fact! Lovely Amy, aged only 19 & sitting next door but 2 to me at the time, has clearly known for a while this about herself & ‘always writes down her prayers’. What a fantastic idea! I have just started & it is already helping.

My only defence is; the CFS which has affected me so much for the last nearly 20 years, has always made very hard the physical effort of talking & staying focussed when the motivation isn’t flowing.
I was also encouraged at the end of the talk on prayer, to remember that God knows this about me & how hard it’s been. As Pete said … if you’re really struggling, just the fact that you’re trying to talk to God counts.

Sometimes disobeying God still
BUT: despite the examples of answered prayer …. later on in the meeting I resisted the appeal to go up for ministry, even though I could feel a reaction in me, that suggested I should.

I thought ‘but I don’t want to be having to go up for prayer any more Lord … why can't I be the one praying with people now ... and why can’t you just touch & bless me here … why do you ask that obedience of us & always make it so hard?’

It didn't take long to realise - how stupid Sarah; you just missed out on someone praying with you. (Will I now miss on some healing, or will it be delayed in someway, because of that?)

Discouraged
I’ve got a job interview soon. And I’ve been really struggling with the feeling that I should be at the stage by now of knowing from God’s guidance, whether I should go for the interview or not; rather than falling back on ‘Lord, I’ll go, please don’t let me get it if you don’t want me to have it ‘…
Pro: the job is more money and in the town I want to move to (and already go to church in) … it would be a big challenge … but God always asks me to step out in faith into jobs I don’t feel ready for…. …
But: I don’t think I want it … I think the challenge might be too much & I could end up not managing…I would be giving up a job that I am lately enjoying more & through which I know lots of people … plus I will not have the time to do the evening semi-shifts at the care homes that I enjoy so much.

So in the end, I’m just going to go for the interview, and ‘Lord, if you don’t want me to get it ….’!

Yet Encouraged
On the encouraging side … at Survivor I did something I never do & which has always scared me rigid; put up my hand to volunteer a story (of God answering prayer) as I totally knew God wanted me to offer up my example, which does glorify him. And I got a clap … or God did … which was great. (And Luke, clearly sitting too near me for his own comfort wriggled down in his seat to try & hide as we were approached by the man with the microphone …!)

Uncomfortably challenged yet at the same time encouraged (a summary of my walk with God?) I am changing & stepping out sometimes in faith … maybe there is hope for me yet!

God's Concern for our Character

CHARACTER BUILDING

Do you realise God can & will do this in any situation; that our characters and our growing relationship with Him are what he prioritises.

If you have you ever ….

… fought the urge to bang your head against the office stationery cupboard when unable to find the correct size of staples among the hundred or so varieties that have inexplicably been purchased over the years? …

… been stuck behind a car that maintains a speed of 40 – 45 maximum despite the varying speed limits of 60 mph - 30 mph. I HATE THAT...(but thank you Lord for using it to mould & shape me) …

… had a conversation with someone who tenaciously re-iterates their point of view – long beyond the acceptable boundaries of ‘having the last word’ time.

… then you will be aware of the character building inherent in daily life! As you are probably aware (if you know me!) … I particularly need these situations to arise in order for God to work on my irritable nature!

Here are some ways God has been challenging me lately, and I’m sure I’m not alone:

Pride (& Labels)

Now I’m not one to be blown up with self-importance or false pride (a fact I take GREAT pride in…) and actually very much need and appreciate the rare instances of affirmation and/or encouragement that get from a few people about my few gifting (s).

However, it was a slight blow when, having come from a smaller church where I am known as being ‘good with children’ my offer of any help that may be needed was met, by the (very nice but very young) Childrens’ worker at my new church, with the reassurance that I may be needed for Home Visiting, where they go out in pairs “so that there is someone 'older, like you' for the parents… and someone ‘younger’ who can get with the kids”!!

(Question … do younger children (as opposed to teenagers) only need someone ‘younger’ to get ‘with them’ necessarily; in my experience many of them are in home situations where acceptance and reliability of adults will be valued by them, let alone the message about the love of Jesus?)

Anyway, this didn’t upset me (much) & I’m aware that settling into a new church will take time. God always want me out of my comfort zone in some way and this church is a young church so I will gofrom being one of the younger leaders in this work … probably to being one of the oldest.

But what a reminder of how we are inevitably viewed & labelled by people who don’t know us … and ourselves label and stereotype people we meet, in work or in church or anywhere.
‘They’re unfriendly, not gonna bother getting to know them’… I've definitely been guilty of this
or, even worse
‘I’ve heard something about such & such; I’m not going to give them the chance’…
(does the fact that these attitudes aren’t verbalised necessarily mean they’re not lurking somewhere just below my conscious mind..!)

Hopefully I can learn something from this and be aware of how I potentially may view and (mis) label people I come across and perhaps subsequently miss out on a friendship and/or a blessing from God.

And, although I have searched my conscience and am sure there was no false pride there about my ‘gifting’ … it’s so like God to make sure any such pride is pre-empted. Our characters are that important to him.

Consciences dulled

My conscience, which can be ridiculously sensitive in some areas, has become dulled in one particular area ….so much so, in fact, that the last time God drew this to my attention I actually wondered if it was an OK ‘sin’ … conveniently forgetting that I’ve signed a contract at work expressly stating that I won’t do this ‘common’ thing …

The bible certainly makes it clear:

1 John 1 5 – 10 (ESV)
5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. .. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

As S Gaukroger said ‘Every compromise, no matter how small, forces us further back into the shadows’

Does this apply to those common; ‘everybody does it’ sins? I think so.

Thank goodness then that:
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Although for me it’s actually an issue of self-discipline (see previous post!) that doesn’t make it OK

For anyone wondering what heinous sin I’m on about … or if I’m making an issue about something that ‘doesn’t really matter’ … surely that’s the point. Every time we knowingly disobey God it matters to Him; because more importantly, so does our character and our heart.