Learned anything new?

Well... I am definitely feeling refreshed from my first week off work since July (!) and feel like I had two Christmasses: one sister departed on boxing day and the next day my brother & family appeared to stay until New Year.

For years I used to - for some reason - use Christmas as a kind of measuring tool for my healing; and think ... maybe this year will be the one. The last few years this had stopped as I had a. reached a kind of contentment and b. seen that healing is gradually happening and accepted (on the whole) God's timing for it.

But this year has definitely highlighted how much changed I am & proves to me how much God has done in me this year. One example; for years my brother used to get cheesed off with me for not wanting to join in games but wanting to be on my own or reading... and now I really enjoy playing games with my family. Tres cool!


Anyway... another year has gone ... and I have definitely learned loads this year, some lessons less enjoyable than others; I know from reading the blogs that I access, that this is the same for many others. Examples for me include the liberation found in being honest, even when it's hard... balanced against the discovery that being up front with people won't necessarily elicit honesty in return! That ignoring difficult situations may seem the easy option ... but facing them makes you stronger; and that I can express myself in writing 10 times better than I can in speech!



Some other things I discovered:



That I am an externaliser & not an internaliser

That writing down prayers/requests & answers can be a very useful focus & reminder

That fitted vest tops are an indispensable part of a girls' wardrobe; winter & summer
About the existence of blog sites & bloggers

That there are always new & different ways God can speak to and guide us

How God can us to bless each other in unexpected ways; even through our weaknesses
Old episodes of Friends (a new Saturday routine) can still make me laugh
Kath & Kim (a Hoot!)
That an explanation may not be owed; but really it's often just common courtesy
That it is possible for me to think of somebody else more than about myself!
That some old friends & scattered friends are really my friends for life...
... but that there are still new lovely people to meet, sometimes just as wonderful as the people we already know & love

That although we may have 1 or 2 spiritual gifts we know about...

...God can use us in other, unexpected ways, as well

That words of affirmation are something I love to give ... but also need to receive
A sympathetic & sensitive heart is easy to hurt
A deeper understanding of just how much taking everything to God is essential for happiness
That each time we forgive someone, our hearts are changed for the better
That it's the age you seem that counts more than the age you are (!)


What have you learned this year?!

(Idea 'acquired' from another blogger... THIS one ...)

Here's to the bitter-sweet adventure that is life...!


Happy New Year!

Enjoying the view?

I am SO chuffed! Despite not being especially gifted or talented & having to be patient for answers to prayer I feel so privileged because I keep seeing God use me - just through my experiences and weaknesses - to speak to people and bless them!

It seems there are people who need to hear my testimony & struggles; both online and off. (Yes - me going 'blah blah blah' has actually been helpful for a few people!) Offline is better because you can have a conversation rather than a monologue (!) and see someone's reaction and ... best of all ... pray with them. But the blogging has been such a cool thing for me; helping me to hone my thoughts and keep my focus on God as well as improve confidence - and, very important for me - honesty.

While waiting for prayers to be answered or for things to move on - can we learn to see and thank God for what He does provide us and all the ways He is working in & through us?

It's so much better for us if we can learn to look at the view he has given us, as we travel through this part of our lives, rather than constantly straining forward to see what's around the next corner, or if we're nearer to reaching our 'designated' stop yet.

I know that many people are waiting on God for promises to be fulfilled; for things to change; for jobs, homes, babies, a partner; for healing of their bodies maybe and/or emotions. People are living with huge loss, of health long-term for themselves or a loved one; of their children; of hopes & dreams. God can seem so inflexible sometimes in his timing and his ways. Sometimes it seems impossible to see good; but God knows that & he knows our hearts and struggles. And we can be sure that everything is for our good - including the 'nothing's happening' that can seem to be our life.

I have seen real healing this year and have so much more confidence; just being able to go into all the new situations with a healtier atttitude & self esteem is wonderful. (And I'm so enjoying my new job! Even being here on Christmas Eve is cool ... the boss is making us cooked breakfast!)

But I've still a way to go & I am still being thrown on the resources of my heavenly father in a continuing way ... & it's SO enriching. There's such a joy in learning more about him as we lean on him & look to him to meet our needs.

Think off all the unexpected, unasked for blessings you've received from him; whether it's new friendships, new gifts, a closer walk with God.... Instead of constantly looking back ... or looking around the corner... can we learn to see how God is blessing us now? Instead of wishing for things we can't have at the moment can we learn contentment, like Paul; appreciate what life does have to offer. Just revel in & enjoy the way God gives us insight, understanding, wisdom, confidence, healing, opportunities & new friendships and many other things - while we're waiting for the things we want to come to pass.

I think that - on the whole - I'm learning to enjoy the view. Are you?

(To all the lovely friends (& bloggers) who have encouraged me & fedback to me about the posts in the last few months. It's been appreciated.)

Happy Christmas and a FAB New Year!

God is good

Well, it seems a long time ago I learned the power of focussing onto God and making the effort to 'remain in Him' - by remembering/claiming helpful verses, or saying the words to a praise song in my head - thanking/praising Jesus in effect; which He rewards, in my experience, by aiding me with it; the step of obedience would start the flow of faith or focus ... but the step has to be taken first.

However, during the last year I seem to have lost the knack of doing this. Taking hurts & feelings to God implies giving in to them to some extent, rather than focussing on the positive. I know that I need to hold the two things in balance.

Alan Johnston, the reporter held hostage in the Gaza; in an interview not long ago was talking about how during his imprisonment he kept fears at bay by a determination to focus on the good and not let his mind be attached by those worries; to not give in to the natural terror evoked by the threats of his captors.

Encouraged by the message from his family, his dad telling him, via the news to 'keep your chin up son'- I thought this was such a touching picture - and such a good analgoy of how we can be encouraged by the love and support of our family; and especially our Father, who has given us so many encouraging words which are loaded with all the power of Jesus', the 'word of God' who is victorious over death.

Focussing on these good things; claiming what Jesus has given us, meditating on the word. Some of us need to do that more than others.

I'm going through such a period of seeing massive improvement .... long busy days, the job is busy and managing to do stuff in the evenings still; some Saturday shifts in the care homes.
And working in a more stressful environment; I would totally once have felt stupid...yet the changes & inner healing mean even when I'm struggling things are more in proportion more & it's coming more naturally all the time.


But I am still seeing days when I can't do this; almost like a temporary regression; a real or perceived put down or rejection etc will get to me ... or I suddenly feel very nervous about something ... or my legs ache just from one flight of stairs ... the other Sunday I didn't have the energy to sing for long even at church.

But this means that life is STILL a step of faith ... and I am prevented from already taking the healing/improvements for granted. Every time I feel His healing touch & feel how it's all 'coming together' AND equally every time I feel rubbish again in some way; physically, mentally or emotionally - I am reminded how much progress I've made and how much I have to thank God for.

And actually; as I turn to God for comfort and healing; crying on his shoulder/getting it 'off my chest' does motivate me in the right way; it clears my mind and renews my spirit and enable me to focus on His goodness and praise Him again.

God is SO good!

Flip I love that Grace!

Isn't it amazing how God's grace extends so much further than we first realise. It's not just in the fact that he sent his beloved son to die for us because we are incapable of obeying Him and honouring Him with our lives (even though He created and loves us!)

It's also in the way He knows our struggles and our hurts and makes allowances! And He allows us to make our own mistakes and learn from them.


Well, I have just finished an exam and I think I did OK. My theology corresondence course is such a great way to make sure that I am motivated to do some bible study, at a time when I am struggling to concentrate on new things in the day let alone in the evening.


(When I saw it advertised and thought of doing it, it was one of 3 occasions when I've felt God saying yes to something by the pure excitement that flooded through me! The other 2 occasions were when I saw the advert for the trip around Europe, which still stands as one of the best times of my life as well as providing me with my first ever close friends; and the other was the aborted Teacher Training Course. (Which serves as a useful reminder that God clearly telling us to do something doesn't mean that it's going to be a 'success' or pan out how we think it is!!!)


Anyway - I saw God's grace today because it went well and I enjoyed it even though I had not been able to revise AT ALL for this exam; as soon as I've tried to concentrate in the evenings in the last couple of weeks, I've actually felt really tired physically, uptight and stressed... I'm clearly literally unable to study God's word as I know He wants us to do. He knows this. He takes in to account our weaknesses and issues, while still insisting on working in us & changing us.


When I see God's goodness to me in this kind of way, it makes me want to spend time in His word more and with Him more, in pure gratitude. What a day-to-day example of how God's grace is what keeps us wanting Him more.


Finally; I also realised today what a privilege it is to be able to blog about God and be a witness on the www. I know that some friends and some bloggers have been encouraged by some of my testimonial blogs. And other blogs have helped ME. For example on my list and others ... I totally meant to link to them here but I've run out of time at the library & i think i need to do some chstimas shopping!!

Anyway, be encouraged you Christian bloggers; you are being read and you are doing a good thing.


Thank God that His abundant grace means that we can be used as him just as we are!!

It's just a bunch of flowers!

The good news is, I have found a lovely flat; I wasn't worried, but I felt ambivalent about the one that I thought was my only option; and when it fell through and another one came up - the same price but so much better (for e.g. a one bedroom not a studio...) and one I liked & am looking forward to living in, I wasn't surprised in the least at God's goodness.



The bad news is... I felt exhausted physically yesterday and I feel really 'befuddled' mentally today; it's been such a struggle today - first day answering some calls and the things people ring about are so varied and they start talking and I have to cut through the stream of chatter and remember what to ask and where to direct them or what to advise them...! But I just don't feel 'got down' like I would have once, feeling deep down that my stupidity reflects the core of me; somehow I can keep trying ... bounce back ... laugh about it even; trust that this is clearly where God wants me and it will be OK. (Let's face it, usually when I have this kind of peace about something, it's because I'm going to need it!)


Well, on Saturday, the Manager at the Home I was working couldn't believe that the flowers they gave me over 2 weeks ago when I left my full time job as admin support to them, were still blooming - and still coming out; and pervading my room with their beautiful scent.

(That's not a picture of them by the way ... it's just a random picture of lilies & roses that look similarly lovely because I don't have a digital camera & someone told me I needed some pictures on the page!)

Anyway; I know the analogy of plants being pruned in the same way that God deals with things in our lives that need to change has been done to death & I aint gonna do that ... (though I did actually have to do some dead heading as a couple of the roses had died before any of the lilies opened up)...

But it wasn't until I (belatedly) obeyed the instructions to cut off the stems at an angle ... and then opened the window - at the risk of returning to a cold room, because of the restricted heating times, that the lilies started to open up & the flowers began to bloom.

I realised that my flowers, as well as creating a beautiful picture in my room; provided a lovely illustration. Those 3 things that they needed to bloom, we need - in order to blossom & bloom into who God has made us to be:


Obedience: - cos the instructions He gave us in His word aren't there for nothing... they're for our good.


Stepping out:- as soon as we become comfortable then apathy will surely follow


Time:- for God to work gently in us and bring out good in us; in His timing, which is the best.

Plus - if anyone needs evidence for the existence of a creator God, they should study a bunch of lilies - or any flower really; what a beautiful God we can worship; thank you Lord.

Feeling Insecure?

Well, it's Tuesday evening after work; I must be in the library filling in time before evening church commitment ... doing one of my favourite things; blogging & reading blogs, yay!

Well, today my mentor at work said I was an 'apt pupil' ... only someone with my kind of experience knows how great that feels. And I know why; it's not that I'm suddenly completely focussed and able... it's because my attitude has been transformed... never have I felt so 'up for it' (!) as it were; so ready to take on a challenge and interested.
I hope so much that people who have had the kind of experiences of ill health, physically, mentally and/or emotional, who don't know what God is capable of doing to change and heal, might find these Christian blogs and realise/be reminded what hope there is.

Well, having said all that - i have been getting really emotional about the changes taking place at the moment. When I arrived for the Team Day where I would be meeting my new work colleagues, I sat in the car and had a little cry. When I think about moving flat I feel similarly uncertain.

Yet Eastbourne is only 30 minutes away, max, from where I've been based and where I grew up; it's not an unfamiliar town by any stretch of the imagination. When I was in my early 20s I moved further away and didn't feel it was such a big deal, though I had lived in the area and knew some people in the church from before.

But then my life was less full and I lived inside my head much more. Looking back I see this meant I depended on God much more; because I needed Him 'more'.

But now I feel so insecure; moving home - the final of the big 3 that includes the step away from comfortable job where I was safe and knowledgeable ... and it's really making it sink in that my friends in Heathfield, who know me so well and who've seen me change so much in the last 5 years, are not part of my life in the same way and are not ever going to be again. I guess it's understandable therefore to feel like this; it is just me on my own making all these changes, after all.

But it's not just me, is it? It's never 'just me' when we know Jesus. I need to make sure, as I continue to improve in health and so on, that my security is not in my abilities, my friends or my job; but in God. Because only he will never change.

'Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever' (Hebrews 13 v8)

'Never will I leave you or forsake you' (Deut 31 v6)

A favourite of mine & most relevant for me I think is this:

'You have shown me the path of life (the way to go/direction to take)In your presence is fullness of joy' (Acts 28 v2)

It's true for all who know Jesus.
Are you feeling insecure about something at the moment?
Is your security truly in Him? Are you resting in his presence?
In my experience it's the only way to know that true, deep joy.

Life: it's a love/hate thing

(My Life)
I
Love the freedom I am experiencing as Jesus heals me;
I hate that it's harder to be so honest & witness in real life! I love the
Fact that I can do so much now; living life more and more to the full
Except that being so busy and tired means the state of my flat would make Wayne & Waynetta beam with pride!!

(My nature)
I love that God is lifting all burdens from my shoulders; it's SO
Nice to see my thoughts and reactions gradually changing; being freed from resentment & fear

(My culture)
Annoys me though to see TV become 'representative' of our society as it helps shape it; BUT I
Love that British TV does have some quality stuff compared to the states etc. I
Like My Name is Earl, Top Gear and Mobilize Act Unsigned at the moment!

(My friends)
I love that some friends know me but love me anyway
Thank you guys (Lise, Cands, KJ) it means a LOT
So amazing how God can enrich our lives through our friends

(Mixed blessings)
Flippen hate that I've got no savings and prospects at all
Unless I focus on the fact I've got no debts; thank you Lord
Love that I can do Saturday shifts in the LD homes sometimes
Loathe NVQ, what a ridiculous qualification, yet more & more used
Never mind, the new job is starting gently so I can finish it
Especially grateful for the nice team in my job who will be patient
So love that God always has good gifts & surprises for us
So grateful that my God is a great big God; in Him there is fullness of life

John 10 v 10