Do you need me?

Well, I am, as always, navigating the swings, roundabouts & other various hurdles that make up the fairground of life (!) I needed, on Sunday, to remind myself of some strides forward I've taken in recent months, in order to prevent dismay at the recurrence of certain reactions.

Good; Ridiculous amount of inner healing during the last year ... (even though, the gentle way God is bringing it up means I sometimes feel worse than better, big strides here) ... especially in areas of:

Honesty (face to face and online) - seriously; this person who only revealed big hurts/issues to a few new (especially provided) friends - now blah blah blah-ing my faults & lessons for any Tom, Dick, or Harry to read & hopefully be encouraged by (well, Tom or Dick or Harry; one of them at least!)

Confidence - yep, the person who still essentially thought so little inherently of herself that it felt exposing even to comment on someone else's blog now barging (well, sort of; gently & tentatively) into an groups/friendships at my new church & blah blah blah-ing ... ( as above!)

Gradual reaping of promises; on Sunday the visiting preacher began speaking on the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' cloak & was healed; well this was a word given me during the prophecy workshop last year, that I would just have to hold out my hands & I'd be healed, like the lady in the story. Although that has been happening more since Rob Rufus, I went up this time and had some healing and more words from the guy, who didn't understand them but they made sense to me, which is always exciting.

New confidence & desire to approach God to be blessed/worship him at any time, without need for justifying it in my mind etc. and able to worship more from the heart.

BUT

Doesn't Satan love to attack us! And encouraging peeps and praising God more (& feeling happier as a result) is bound to get on his nerves so it was no surprise really that Sunday afternoon I was afflicted by a short term but bad bout of the blues, brought forth mainly by a realisation that I wasn't needed when I'd thought I was.

Is it wrong to want to be needed? Maybe not; I long ago learned not to beat myself up about these kind of questions and everyone need to be needed to some extent. Anyway, I don't think it's 'wrong' - or if it is, only inasmuch as it gives us a tendency to put the onus on ourselves rather than on Jesus, to be a help to someone.

But, it's important to remember, when we're attacked by accusations from the 'father of lies' that there could still be something to be learned. I don't think it's been wrong to have found a pleasure in being able to be there for someone at the right moment or to be able to encourage them with the right words through my own experience; to be useful in fact. But, two interesting (I think) points:
1. I have noticed that every time I pray with someone, the Holy Spirit has been moving in me & healing ME! And
2. I also realised, thinking how I've been blessed by people in recently weeks, that a way we can be needed (to meet a person's need!) is to allow ourselves to be helped/blessed by them.

Maybe the question I should be asking is, do you need me ... to be blessed by you? Altogether more humbling though; isn't it?!