Bear with each other & forgive whatever grievances you may have against each other; forgive as the Lord forgave you ... Col 3 v 13 ...
What I like about this verse is the way it encompasses the two sides of irritation & anger of my experience; sometimes it is just a matter of 'bearing' but other times it is a matter of 'forgiving' or getting with God about stuff that may be behind the over-reaction
Bearing with each other ...
Well, been really seeing fruit of healing for a while now, it's just ongoing & it's been wonderful lately (on the whole). The more God releases, the more I see that I had the need. But, flip, those character flaws still crop up! I have still been guilty of irritation towards my kind-hearted colleague opposite me. Bearing with people is probably always going to be part of my character-forming walk with God.
But, a week or so ago, when I was really struggling with her; feeling irritated & edgy with the poor lady, I realised there was something behind this reaction; I actually felt upset. (And it was manifesting itself in anger)
When we react irritably or angrily there may not be a reason behind it other than more character moulding to come... but sometimes (maybe often) there is.
Forgiving each other...
In my case, it wasn't actually a forgiveness issue, it was an inner healing one. But a lot of my inner healing has been about forgiveness at different times. I notice that the bible recognises anger as common and yet puts the onus on us to forgive; thereby avoiding any culture of blame.
Over time I have discovered that:
... my need to forgive someone might not be dependent on whether the other person is actually to blame for something. If there is a perceived hurt then you need to forgive them anyway. If your head is telling you they weren't really to blame but you feel angry/resentful/irritated... forgive them anyway. If you realise they're actually triggering an old hurt... forgive them anyway. If you feel hurt by them, then forgive them anyway!
...the power in forgiving someone - taking that step of obedience even if it's not felt by you yet. And it so often seems to lead to spontaneous praise for God. I personally have found it useful, especially with deeper issues, to re-claim biblical promises from God's word afterwards.
... when Jesus says we have to forgive 77 x 7 times he wasn't just exaggerating to make a point. It really needs to be as many times as it takes. (He was actually undoing the 'curse of Lamech' apparently!).
Who we are in Christ
The biblical key of course is being right with God. It's behind everything, the way we react to people and the way we react to circumstances. For me; not just being freed from resentments but also from lies I was believing about myself fundamentally, has completely changed the way I relate to people and react to circumstances and has gradually seen me rid of so much fear & anxiety that used to be a natural part of so many reactions.
Col 3 8 - 10 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.
At church a week ago, I was (wait for it ... wait for it...) feeling irritated (!) with someone distracting me from worship. But then; instead of descending into head discussions to the tune of 'sorry Lord I'm so rubbish, thank you for forgiving me...yada yada' I just prayed - (as per R Rufus testimony) 'thank you Lord that's the old me, but I am a new creation in you, the old has gone...(& the new has come'. Oh my word; the effect was so much more powerful than when I used to descend into the above head madness. I felt free from all annoyance and full of joy.
Feeling a bit irritated, edgy; something going wrong or someone getting on your last nerve? Ask God what's behind it. And if there's someone that's hurt you or an old hurt showing itself again; just take the step of faith to forgive them & ask God to help you feel it. Or turn to him to move on; maybe to move away from past issues that have been dealt with ... or maybe just to continue to move on into being that daily transformed & renewed child of God.
As a wise new Christian said to me once when I was relaying some of how God has dealt with stuff in me; 'surely if it gets us closer to God, it has to be good'.
