Who am I?

'University of Brighton: Physical Education (BA Hons)' read the sweatshirt I followed into the shop. 'Lifeguard 2005 'declared the bright red jumper in front of me in the shopping centre.

People are looking all over the place for their identity: their talent, fame, popularity, work, maybe even their talents or their favourite football team ...I think that for Christians (just as much as everyone else) surrounded as we are by media & peer expectation & competition ... it's really easy to look elsewhere that Christ to find our value. Perhaps unconsiously much of the time.

After I'd written this, just yesterday at church someone had a word from God on this very subject; she used the illustration of her husband's football shirt attracting attention & conversation from fellow-fans during their shopping expedition. How he wore the shirt with pride and there was an identity inherent in being a follower of this team. And God said to her a lovely positive message about how it's in Him that we need to know our identity first & foremost.

For many Christians maybe it's the church and their role or acceptance there which gives help define them. And it's good - important even - to know what our role in the church is - see 1 Cor 12 & Rom 12 especially. Just as long as it doesn't become our main identity.

I find that many people feel let down by the church leader apparently not valuing them. It's as if they feel their sense of worth within the church is underminded by this lack of knowledge/attention from the leadership. And of course, church leaders should be aware of those who in their pastoral care - Paul's letters (toTimothy & Thessalonians for e.g.) show leaders clearly need to know about their church & what goes on in it. But practically speaking, in a big or growing church, pastoral care needs to be structured differently. And people will slip through the 'net'.

But would it matter so much if we all looked to God first for our identity & reminded ourselves of how precious we are to him. That we are "precious & honoured in his sight ... "; that he formed us & planned our birth (see Psalm 139) and he has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29).

My experience of inner healing has shown me how feeling more secure/confident of who I am in Christ - with attendent skills - has freed me to serve in the church, rather than need it. It has put me in a place to reach out to others rather than needing them to reach out to me. To 'give of' myself, to be able to honestly share things that once I couldn't before. And I've seen, time & time again, how that has encouraged others to be able to share things they've been struggling with and then help them see a different perspective on it and how God has used it, etc.

One of four specific verses that God gave me about a year ago was the famous one from Corinthians "In Christ I am a new creation, the old has gone & the new has come" & I said to God; why would you give me that verse? I'm not a new Christian!! But it's so key, it has proved to be such a strengthening verse to know, claim and meditate on.

“Understanding your identity in Christ is absolutely essential for your success at living a victorious Christian life.


No person can consistently behave in a way that’s inconsistent with the way he perceives himself.” Dr. Neil T. Anderson (Victory Over the Darkness: Realizing the Power of Your Identity in Christ)

The following statements are from the 3 lists in the F in C book - along with the verses from which they truth is taken. I love these because they are so powerful to say as truths to undermine our enemy. And they remind me that it’s all been done; this is how God sees us now because of what Jesus has done:

I have been adopted as God’s child (Eph 1 v 5)
I am complete in Christ (Col 2 10)
I am free from any condemning charges against me (Rom 8 31 – 34)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8 35 +)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3 v 3) (that is amazing, I can't get my head round it)

On the back of the book it says: ...Steps to freedom in Christ... is especially helpful if you feel that you are not growing as you should, or if you want to break free from: Condemning thoughts; Patterns of wrong behaviour (I think this includes over-reacting) Spiritual struggles; Hopelessness

I remember at group once in my 20s (Baptist church) saying how I struggled & didn’t seem to get better in my walk. And everybody said ‘I’m sure you don’t … it can't be that bad, you exaggerate’ etc (in a nice way). But I knew!

Now, in my small group now it's the exact opposite - they're all so open about their struggles with Christian walk etc. It feels so safe to be open. And it's so important to be able to be. Because we're never going to get it all sorted now/at any point. We are a work in progress. But the process of becoming confident in who I am, something that's been SO gradual for many years; gives the ability to be open about flaws, without feeling that my faults & weaknesses and rejections define who I am in a fundamental way.

This has been (& still is to some extent) an up & down process. And it won't be completed on this earth. But, like Paul " I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you (me!) will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Phil 1 v 6)

Do you ever find when you read the same passage or verses that something different leaps out at you each time. This is happening as I work through the statements. The other day this one really leaped out at me;

John 15 v 16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit; fruit that will last".

And I suddenly realised; so if the reason God chose me was to bear fruit; the fruit of the spirit, listed in Galatians 5 v 22 - and that is what is (OH SO SLOWLY!) happening, through the delay in getting healing or whatever it is that I want ... then I am fulfilling my purpose. I think I get so waylaid - firstly by the second half of that verse; and secondly- by (self imposed) guilt that I'm not witnessing enough or effectively, that I forget - that work of growing is part of what I've been appointed for.

Who am I? I am a 'child of God' (Ephesians 1 v 5) - working with God (2 Cor 6) - and, by focussing on him, remaining in him and not looking around elsewhere for my identity & self-esteem, I am being drawn closer to Him, to bear fruit and change.

There's something SO cool about being appointed to change, in a good way; yet being chosen & accepted for who I am now. (That's something you can't get anywhere else.) Praise God!

Compared to whom?

Well one of my lovelier friends (& most faithful readers) emailed me back following the All Churched Out post with some interesting points and I answered as I thought; & it made me think; although my answer to her was consistent & biblically based, it definitely veered a little bit too much in the 'it says in the bible... without verses to back it' up direction!

And I thought; maybe I should just stick to what I know best; which is sharing my experiences (often about how rubbish I can be and how good God is!) & how cool it is that He can still use & teach me. So here we are!

I guess I know who I am. But it's only been after much inner healing that I've come to this place of being comfortable with my own essential & unique self, without needing to compare myself to those around me. And I'm still very much getting it really in my head & heart who I am 'in Christ'. But - this is key - I don't feel insecure or threatened (as much!) by other people with different talents than mine. Or even those with similar ones which seem 'better' than my gifting. Because of who Christ has made me. No-one else can bring quite what I can bring to the world (!) so there is no need to compare. I have found that focussing on (& 'losing ourselves') in Him enables us to be truly ourselves.

My TV arial is not working at the moment ... and I'm not really missing it. It's quite liberating in a way. There are only a couple of programmes that I would want to watch reguarly at the moment anyway - it's the inbetween times when I'm eating maybe that II miss being able to be flick-tastic.

So instead, I am watching my MONK episodes - a regular Christmas request from my generous brother & sister-in-law since ... BBC2 stopped showing it. (Outrageous but true!) It's about the only family-suitable yet consistently entertaining programme (not) on TV (although it's won multiple Emmy awards in the States & is going into series 7 there). And I really like that the regular characters belong; it's not just our sanity-challenged hero who has problems, they all have their quirks & issues but are free with each other; able to just be themselves. They might be flawed but they're unique.

(Oh + & it includes pilot episode for a series called Psych. It's fab! Similarly entertaining but funnier; about a guy whose photographic memory prompts him to rings in to solve police cases; but then has to pretend to be psychic in order to avoid being suspected by the police and sets up an agency to solve crimes himself. (Is it bad to like something where the lead character pretends to be psychic? Nah!) And one of the most appealing things about it, is that he's cool with who he is! I realise that's what I always wanted; but couldn't gain without Jesus.

I've also been re-watching video recorded episodes of music series History of Popular Music. My head is buzzing with how White Country/hillbilly music merged wtih the early black slave-based Blues ("without Bluegrass we wouldn't have Blues") ... and 40s post big band crooners such as Crosby met black jazz masters such as Armstrong, to shape music as we know it today. But the best episode is the one called 'Atlantic Crossing' which concerns how the Beatles, followed by Kinks & then Rolling Stones, led the British 'invasion' of American music. Popular singer/songwriters as varied Pat Boone & popular Neil Sedaka ruefully recounted how these new musician-songwriters put an end to their own singing or song writing careers.

Watching this, I was really struck with how the newer & talented American songwriters of the time; such as Brian Wilson, Bob Gaudio & prolific Mowtown witer Lamont Dozier, did not consider the incoming Brits as invaders, but welcomed them as an Infusion to the music industry. They welcomed the competition. That's the sign of a healty esteem - to welcome competition. To embrace each other's differences and contributions.

This is something that most people struggle with. I found this quote on a site I surfed into from Radical Womanhood; the author writes:"The need to compare ourselves to others is something most people begin in childhood. Whether we are comparing ourselves to our friends, to the women in the magazines or to a sibling, we can be constantly setting a bar for ourselves that may be impossible to meet. This can lead to a destructive pattern of always trying to please others. Whether it is a spouse, a parent or a peer group, we seek validation by “pleasing” or comparing. While there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking approval from someone else, it becomes a problem when we mould ourselves into what we think others want us to be instead of seeking our own identities."

In his section on competitiveness in his most recent book, John Ortberg makes a really great point: (based on Philippians 2 ) He talks about climbing the ladder (of success) & comparing yourself with people above you on the ladder & people below.

He writes: "The entire life of Jesus isn't the story of someone climbing up a ladder; it's a picture of someone coming down - a series of demotions. To begin with, Jesus was "in very nature God." He was at the top of the organisational chart of the universe. But he did not consider this to be "grounds for grasping"; he gave up the right to have things his own way and become a servant... But even that was not low enough. He kept doing down by becoming "obedient to death". His ultimate task wasn't some glorious achievement. There was nothing glamerous about death. But his demotion didn't stop there. He went one rung lower: "even death on a cross".
He concludes:

The problem with spending your life climbing the ladder is that you will go right past Jesus, for he's coming down."

Jesus knew who He was. And so He knew what He had to do. And because of what He did; we can know who WE are.
As the old children's chorus says 'And I just thank you Father for making me me'!

Contact

I work in a contact centre. That is NOT a call centre; I actually can't believe how helpful we are (!) my collegues and I. We frequently get someone contacting us for something we cannot help with, that is literally not the remit of the organisation we represent. Although there are 'grey areas' ... which doesn't make it easy but is more interesting. But we go out of our way to advise & explore other avenues. It is frustrating not being able to help sometimes; but just a listening ear & willingness is often appreciated.

It is so interesting talking to people. And such an eye-opener about people's lives.


Anyway. So... I said to one of my colleagues that I was going to 'blog' about something that happened. And later in the week, one of the others said 'you'll have to put that in your blog Sarah' ... then conversation ensued about what is a blog and 'are you a Christian then?' (we recently moved at work so I'm sitting with different people who I don't know as well, they're still lovely though.)



Somehow, this week at work, despite an ever-dwindling team & unpropitious circumstances, we managed to maintain good spirits & have a laugh.

This was our week:

Monday:

Two of my colleagues were smashed into by a driver trying to park (!) and they haven't been at work all week since. An abusive caller - who had previously been racist towards my Spanish colleague; the team he was put through to sit near to us so we could hear our colleague's side
of the conversation. She was fab. (She had to terminate the call though).



Tuesday:
The loveliest colleague of them all - seriously, just an almost too-good-to-be-true nice person was complained about by one of the teams (admin assistant) that she'd been rude. Three of us heard the conversation ... apart from the fact she's chronically incapable of being rude, she totally hadn't been. Quite a good illustration of the kind of obstruction & attitude we face from other departments, to the point where we sometimes wonder if we are actually working together towards a common purpose.


Thursday:
So ridiculously quiet even though less than half the team here - we took it upon ourselves to ring our number from mobiles to check out the line... turned out we weren't getting calls but they were being made; they were just being re-routed (by _ _) to a random gentleman in a completely different county who had been receiving our calls all afternoon!


Friday:
I had an elderly gentleman who had been badly wounded in the war and started off saying he was going to 'tell me about his wounds and it might take a few minutes' (! canny questioning to get to the bottom of why they're calling is often needed in this job!)



Actually today got worse & worse; I spent the whole afternoon dealing with a case phoned through by the police that couldn't be passed on.

But I was cheered up by my colleague finding a notice in the Friday Ad that said 'Due to the success of our closing down sale we've decided to remain open'. Classic!


Well, this is another email that came round. It's not always the people answering the 'phone - even in call centres - that can seem obstructive or stupid you know!

Actual call centre conversations

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.


Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.


Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.


Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.



S-------

Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'


Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.


Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'


Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.



--- Motoring Services


Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'



Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.


Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'


Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.





----------------------------------------------------------------------


Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'


Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland'.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.


Customer: 'OK'.


Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.


Customer: 'No'.


Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'


Customer: 'No'.


Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''



This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'


Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'


Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'


Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?'


Caller: 'They disappeared.'


Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'


Caller: 'Nothing.'


Operator: 'Nothing??'


Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'


Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'


Caller: 'How do I tell?'


Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'


Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'


Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'


Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'


Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'


Caller: 'What's a monitor?'


Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'


Caller: 'I don't know.'


Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'


Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'


Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: 'Yes, it is.'


Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'


Caller: 'No.'


Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'


Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'


Caller: 'I can't reach.'


Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'


Caller: 'No.'


Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'


Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'


Operator: 'Dark??'


Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.


Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'


Caller: 'I can't.'


Operator: 'No? Why not??'


Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power........ A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too ------ stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Still worthwhile?

For a long time I hoped to one day have the opportunity to serve God in some kind of amazing children's ministry; like running an orphanage abroad or ... something (!) I was very inspired by the South African friend of a friend I met a few years ago who became a Christian while working over here & then on return to her country ended up looking after 50 little Aids orphans in a Day Centre - chosen as the poorest/most deprived from an outreach by the church she was in. It was this that, partly, led me to embark on my ill-fated teacher training, in order to gain more experience. (Which I did; several kinds!)


In recent years though, I have realised how 'amazingly' God can be served in the church; there are some great examples in my previous church in Heathfield where I was led by God to get more involved as my energy & health improved. This kind of 'local outreach' is the remit of every Christian.

But it seems so relatively 'mundane' ... thinking about this made me realise that one of the byproducts of serving somewhere more as a missionary type role is that the more obviously sacrifical nature of that has it's own kind of glory - maybe only in the eyes of the Christian community, but there none-the-less. Pick up a copy of any book by a Christian missionary, with maybe a photo of them reaching out lovingly to some clearly & dramatically impoverished/traumatised child...it just feels like what that person is doing is SO much more worthwhile than what I can do here.

Now this maybe raises questions about the work of the church in this country, in community, as - I am finding more & more through my job - how much need there is in this country/& the county where I live. But ... there is no doubt that God seems more glorified somehow by those who give up civilisation as they know it, familiar culture; friends & family - maybe sanitation & any kind of varied diet (in extreme cases) ...

... It is amazing what people sacrifice and do when they are called by God in this way; although for every Jackie Pullinger (for example) whose work becomes known worldwide, there must be hundred of others whose work doesn't, but who have also given up everything to go & serve.

And it's hard work, daily slog - nothing glamerous or' romantic' in the reality of it.

In 'Chasing the Dragon' Jackie talks of how she spent all night sitting with people as they came off hard drugs while days were spent queueing up in the courts on their behalf; snatching sleep when she could. Her whole life & every day was lived out for God. And without romanticising that, it just seems so worthwhile, so living out faith, so glorifying to God.

But to be Jesus' representative where we are is the calling of all who haven't been led by God in that way. And when I think of how people live out their faith in their society around me God is glorified just as much. And who knows how he is glorified in the heavens by that committed, constant service?

I've been inspired by people with the gift of hospitality; those who cook for or visit ill/lonely/house-bound people (my mother is really good at this - listening to the lonely or disabled; I really admire that) or praying with people & interceeding, maybe for hours, for people (something else I really admire!) Men of God who father those who need that, thus revealing God's father heart for his children ...And just because it might be perceived as 'ordinary' or 'day to day' by us doesn't mean it is in God's eyes.

This is how Paul lived after all; working hard morning to night to preach in the afternoon (not to mention from prison ... wherever he was.)

But - most of all - when these things are done out of love - love for God and for the people we serve - it is 'a pleasing aroma to God'

To serve God in the local church/where we are/our community can throws us on Jesus as well; only perhaps more pro-actively than reactively!

Radical Womanhood site author, in one blog, relates any kind of service to God to worship of Him. She says our "greatest priority and purpose is to be a worshiper of God. But our worship should be expressed in all of life, so even mundane tasks can be done for the glory of God.......Check out the epitome of feminine wisdom, the Proverbs 31 woman—she did outreach, she ran a business (profitably!), she was hospitable, she was a homemaker and mother, and her godly character ensured that her husband was respected in the gates (meaning, in community leadership)."

Really, when it comes down to it - not only can I be tremendously grateful to God that He can use me where I am; I should be thanking Him for the privilege of serving Him and being involved in His greater purposes. And, not only does He use our giftings and enable it to be a positive experience; but it gives us fulfilment; our life can have more meaning when we serve Him wherever we are.

Praise God that He is glorified in the heavens when weserve him out of obedience and love; wherever we are.

Another letter not by me

Well, this tickled me; and I thought I'd post it, after the verbal responses I got about the lady confounded by the bank - not only more feedback than I've had for a blog for ages...but also from newer friends who I didn't know were reading them! Anyway! I think this is more likely to appeal just to my kind of humour though. (However, I did delete one line in case sensibilities were offended!) I just wish I had this kind of nerve..

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15:
Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23:
When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10:
While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6:
In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."